I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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