The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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