counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
