tell your sister to shave her snatch
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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