Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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