Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
