I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I could fuck to npr.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
