she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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