Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
