he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
