So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
