i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
