I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
