epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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