Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
