When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
