her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she peed on how many people?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
