Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
did i just pee glitter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
