We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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