You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
