i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
