That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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