we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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