forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just tell him i said nine months
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
