I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this boner is exhausting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize