Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize