I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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