there's paper in my vomit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
