what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
