I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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