I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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