It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
