i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
