i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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