i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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