so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
