dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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