He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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