I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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