if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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