Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
