this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
