Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize