I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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