just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize