the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
