I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I could fuck to npr.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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