you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
