Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
