Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
