Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
