hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize