One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
