Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
