well you can't waste a boner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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