I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
