I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
