people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there's paper in my vomit.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
