Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
