Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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