I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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