I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
