it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
