there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
