Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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