well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
