I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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