I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
