I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
