My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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