dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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