We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize