Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
