Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
