Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
