can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
