And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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