I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
