I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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