woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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