3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
