Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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