i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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