The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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