I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
