I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
